Nik Climp

 Nik Climp decided that for his own good it was time to remake himself. He had spent too many years being down on the world and down on people, and he realized that his negative attitude was only going to put more polyps in his poopshoot.  He needed to become someone else—someone youthful and dynamic, someone with new ideas, new solutions, new smells. Besides, he had enough health problems as it was: his pushup count had fallen to 75, his erection had reversed its direction, his doctor was dead, his fingerprints were worn away, and he had no interest whatsoever in Rimbaud.